Lily contacted Child Find of America after discovering her ex-husband had disappeared with their son, Dominic. The following includes a brief account of her nightmarish experience and Child Find of America’s efforts to bring her son home safely.
Lily and Alan met in church and began dating when she was 17 and he was 24, at a time when Lily was desperate to escape abuse in her own family. Drawn to Alan’s spiritual convictions, she married him shortly after turning 18, only to find herself in another abusive environment. After the birth of their son, Dominic, Alan became increasingly controlling, threatening, and eventually physically and psychologically abusive. His religious beliefs grew more extreme and inflexible, often contributing to intense conflict with Lily.
The abuse eventually led to their legal separation and a family court order that granted shared parenting time. Alan’s behavior escalated during disputes over routine childhood vaccinations, fueled by what Lily later learned was his involvement in online religious conspiracy groups on the dark web. This conflict dramatically escalated one day during a pediatrician’s appointment he unexpectedly showed up at, wherein he physically threatened Lily and medical staff and had to be removed by the police. Shortly before Dominic’s next medical appointment, Alan abducted their son, cutting off all communication and leaving his residence and life behind.
Lily soon contacted the police, obtained emergency custody and called Child Find of America. At the time, she was becoming increasingly frustrated by the police department’s delays in issuing a missing child alert and considering criminal charges. As is common with left behind parents, she was at first told that her child was not truly missing because he was with the other parent. This led to a delay in the issuance of a missing child report and the assignment of a National Crime Information Center (NCIC) number, which is a nationwide computerized database used by law enforcement to provide instant access to critical information. As Lily had reason to believe Alan would be traveling across state lines, this report was potentially crucial to the effective involvement of non-local law enforcement.
Child Find’s case manager walked her through steps she could take to productively engage with law enforcement on the topics of the NCIC and “custodial interference” charges, which was her state’s criminal statutory language for parental abduction. She was ultimately able to effectively advocate for herself this way and charges were filed.
While reviewing Alan’s online activity, Lily discovered he had conducted searches for “living off the grid” and forming a religious community. She shared with Child Find that Alan had access to weapons and had become increasingly anti-government.
Child Find issued missing child posters and made targeted social media posts in areas Alan was suspected to be. The case manager also coordinated closely with law enforcement, informing them of the risks Alan posed to both Dominic and police. The case manager further conducted searches and helped Lily assess whether Alan had crossed state lines or was hiding on tribal lands. It was important to determine if Alan had crossed state or tribal lines because this would help authorize (at the local law enforcement’s request) the use of federal law enforcement resources. With support from the case manager, Lily was able to advocate for the assignment of a US Marshal to coordinate with tribal authorities in search efforts.
Despite all efforts, Alan remained very difficult to locate. Time dragged on for Lily and the case manager offered emotional support through this difficult period. Things became even more difficult when about a month after the abduction, Alan began calling Lily anonymously from a blocked phone number, claiming he was leading a group of people, including children. He said that he intended to remain hidden until “the end of days.” He further demanded Lily drop the kidnapping charges if she wanted to see her son.
Lily was encouraged to share this information with law enforcement. Meanwhile, Child Find helped Lily process the possibilities in these calls and connected her with local domestic violence safety planning services. As these calls offered the only available connection to her abducted son, she felt she had no choice but to accept each one and talk with Alan. She shared that it felt like he was holding their child hostage and struggled with the difficultly of handling these calls in a manner that would not escalate risks to her son. The domestic violence counseling she was connected with helped prepare her for those moments by exploring methods to remain grounded and focused.
Thankfully, two months after the abduction, a man recognized Alan and Dominic from a Child Find social media post and contacted police. Within 24 hours, authorities recovered Dominic safely. Lily drove four hours in the middle of the night to reunite with Dominic. Though this recovery was the best possible outcome, the impact it had on him was traumatic. He had been told many untrue and hurtful things about his mother while in the care of Alan and the recovery was a very confusing time for him. The case manager had worked to prepare Lily for this fallout and once Dominic had been recovered, she was connected with trauma-informed mental health resources.
In a follow-up letter, Lily wrote,
Thanks again so much for everything that you did for us! The contact you provided on a regular basis, the brainstorming, and emotional support did so much to help keep me focused on what I could do and what information I could provide the detective that might assist in his recovery . . . I am so glad that your organization exists!
Names and locations have been changed or omitted to protect the confidentiality of our callers.
