It is not uncommon for Child Find to receive calls from parents who have experienced, or are currently enduring, abuse in their relationship with the other parent. These cases can be particularly challenging not only in terms of the toll the abuse takes on the victim parent and children, but also because of the various challenges presented by the systems a parent must navigate to protect their children.
Megan called Child Find seeking support and guidance regarding a family court case in which John, her ex-husband and father of their 8-year old daughter, Ella, was seeking increased and unsupervised parenting time. During intake, she shared that there had been a history of severe violence in their marriage, which escalated in intensity over the years. It began with verbal abuse about her mental health and accusations of infidelity. Though untrue, these accusations (in John’s mind) helped justify the physical abuse to follow, which often included cornering her, throwing objects, and eventually physical and sexual assaults. As is very common, most of these incidents were not reported. At one point, however, John was incarcerated for a period of six years for beating Megan with a pipe. Ella was present for this incident.
Megan and John remained married during John’s incarceration, and upon his release, he swore to her that he was a changed man. At the time, Megan herself was suffering from what she now understands was PTSD. Although she had started seeing a counselor, she was still feeling overwhelmed by John and his family’s insistence on reconciliation.
Not long after the above incident, Megan spoke with an attorney, filed for divorce, and requested supervised visits. At this stage, she feared for Ella’s continued exposure to violence and had concerns about abduction. Though she requested that all the incidents of abuse be included in the filings, her attorney only briefly mentioned John’s former incarceration for assault. Megan felt betrayed, as though her opportunity to finally come forward with a true account was denied. The court appointed a guardian ad litem (GAL) to make recommendations to the court in the best interests of Ella. The initial GAL report noted that while the incident was traumatic for Megan, Ella had been very young and did not witness it directly. Although the GAL first recommended supervised visits, this position quickly changed as the case moved on, with the GAL telling Megan, “We don’t care about John’s past, we just want to see who he is today.”
At the point when Megan reached out to Child Find, the GAL was recommending unsupervised visits and for Ella to receive therapy to help adjust to this arrangement. This generated great anxiety and anger in Megan who increasingly expressed a desire to fight the recommendations. “I’m tired of tiptoeing around this guy,” she said. “I’m tired of being treated like I did something wrong. I never reported the marital abuse. I want to, but now I don’t know where to start. I’m at my wit’s end. I was mentally, verbally, and sexually abused by him. But I never came forward, I was so ashamed and scared. I still am. But I feel it all needs to be known, I want to press charges for the abuse, but I don’t even know where to start.”
Megan was assured by Child Find staff that all our services are confidential. She was first encouraged to connect with a local domestic violence and sexual assault agency for support, court advocacy, and safety planning. She was also referred to trauma-informed mental health resources. The case manager went on to help Megan assess for the risk of abduction, sharing resources with her that could be relayed to her attorney. They further reviewed how family court and the criminal justice system typically assess for “change” with a batterer and how this was playing into the current court dynamics. They discussed the impact of domestic violence on children. In this light, they discussed Ella’s therapist, who had indicated to Megan that she had real concerns about unsupervised visitation. Child Find’s case manager explored with Megan how she might navigate this issue with the GAL and engage her attorney, who had expressed a reluctance to delay court proceedings any further.
Since then, Megan remains in contact with supportive services and has made great gains in getting her attorney to raise concerns about unsupervised visits.
As it stands now, the court order allows for therapeutic visitation only at the discretion of Ella’s therapist, but the court case remains open and ongoing.
Names and locations have been changed or omitted to protect the confidentiality of our callers.
